The problem is that when most people hear the term ‘emotional intelligence,’ they automatically assume it’s about understanding emotions, calculating them, or entering a mystical realm where we can feel others’ feelings.

This is incorrect because emotions can never be understood or calculated, and we’ll never really know what someone else feels.

So what exactly is emotional intelligence, and why do I see it’s vital for law firm owners to learn this skill to truly succeed in building a thriving law firm they love being part of?

On a surface level, emotional intelligence is simply the ability to leave every conversation feeling fully expressed and fulfilled with the opportunities you’ve created for everyone involved.

Having a high level of emotional intelligence can be very freeing. This ability enables us to solve any challenge and create truly fulfilling outcomes in conversation.

On a deeper level, this is achieved by being able to be with and witness our own and another’s intense emotions when they arise without letting the feelings we feel control us and make us communicate in a way that later we will regret.

It may sound simple, but it’s not easy, especially when confronting a frustrating situation.

I can already think of three clients, all law firm owners, who found it difficult to agree on deadlines for their colleagues’ work and hold them accountable.

It took us a few weeks of one-on-one work for them to become skilled at feeling their emotions without letting them dominate their communication.

After a month or two of practice, the skill becomes second nature, and they can now effectively lead their teams to operate at high-performance levels.

Someone with developed emotional intelligence can have difficult conversations, make clear requests, express their frustrations responsibly, and guide others to see the performance gaps they need to close.

To better understand it, I created this ‘emotional intelligence level ladder’ because emotional intelligence isn’t on or off; it’s something that, depending on the intensity of our emotions, is easier or harder to practice.

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Naturally, when we have more straightforward day-to-day conversations that keep our business moving and require us to operate with an emotional intensity level of 2 out of 10, it’s easy to display good emotional intelligence and communicate reasonably well simply because we are not experiencing intense emotions.

However, the more emotionally challenged we feel, say a level 7 intensity out of 10, when we are very frustrated or angry, the harder it is to communicate to ensure that situations are best solved for everyone involved.

The more intense unwanted emotions we can feel while still being able to communicate effectively regarding achieving a specific business outcome or goal, the more emotionally intelligent we are.

In other words, the more professional we are.

So, how do we improve our emotional intelligence?

First, by not avoiding the more difficult conversations.

If we keep avoiding facing the lack of performance team members display, the longer those ineffective team behaviours continue and more to the point, the more boundary-less you as a leader remain, which means you’ll constantly be disrespected and not have the authority you need to inspire your team to be on board in achieving your visions.

Secondly, reflect on why you lose your ability to communicate effectively when you feel such anger or disappointment.

If you are serious about becoming a skilled leader, someone who can lead a team of people to operate at truly great levels of performance and profitability, think about investing in leadership and managment programs because such skills really can’t be gained alone.

Why?

Because we all have subconscious worries, we don’t even know we have them or where they come from. It’s only with skilled outside guidance that we can become aware of such patterns and break free of them.

My life wouldn’t be what it is now if it wasn’t for all the leadership and managment programs I’ve participated in.

Regardless of the challenges or issues you encounter, it’s important not to hold onto them, as they often magnify and worsen in our minds.

Instead, discuss your situation with someone because it’s often only in conversation that we see solutions we could never see before.

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